I sympathize with the overwhelmingly underwhelming and tepid response to the two major party candidates for president. I get that these two candidates aren’t perfect.

But the giant-douche-vs.-turd-sandwich narrative is unnecessarily pessimistic and grossly misleading. We need to grow the fuck up, America.

Presidential elections always will be the choice between the lesser of two evils for the simple fact that all candidates are evil to some extent. That’s because we’re electing a human and not a deity.

But perhaps it’s our country’s tendency to deify, rather than reify, our presidents that is the root of this issue. Even though Lincoln emancipated the slaves, he held some rather racist views. He even called Sojourner Truth by a racial epithet once. FDR had so little backbone when it came to racial matters that he appointed a KKK member to SCOTUS and wouldn’t push anti-lynching legislation through because of his fear that southern Democrats would block his proposed legislation.

Yes, Hillary shouldn’t have used a private e-mail server. Her flip-flop on TPP is questionable due to her commitment to Wall Street, who stands to benefit greatly from increased trade. Many people say “I just don’t trust her.” But when pressed, they can’t quite put their finger on it. Perhaps it’s because they’re holding Clinton to an unfair standard.

On the flip side, criticism of Trump (until recently) has been understated. Many of us have been willing to overlook his vague and often incoherent policy statements. His record number of incorrect statements of facts has been downplayed, while his outlandish statements has given him free advertising via the cable news media. My opinion is that current Republican support of Trump has less to do with his bona fides and more to do with the possibility of many SCOTUS vacancies, including the one left by Scalia.  There is no more divisive issue in American politics than abortion, and SCOTUS is the only thing that can overturn Roe v. Wade.

But the bitching and moaning about “I’m not voting for either,” is childish. Adulthood is all about choosing between two non-ideal options. If this segment of the voting public were being mature, then this election never would have been close. We’re becoming a culture who demands many things to which we’re not entitled, like presidential candidates who’ve never done anything to piss us off in the past.

All presidential candidates are evil, but some are more evil than others. In my opinion, the evilness of Trump far outweighs the evilness of Clinton. And the third party candidates fall squarely in between the two in terms of evil. Jill Stein fuels conspiracy theories without evidence, and her college debt cancellation plan is a non-starter. Gary Johnson is a moron who doesn’t know where Aleppo is and thinks that the Departments of Education, HUD and Commerce could be eliminated with little effect on the public.

Not voting for either candidate because they don’t match your ideal of what a president should be says more about your level of maturity than it does about the fitness of the current candidates. Grow the fuck up, put on your grown-up pants and your thinking cap, do the requisite intellectual task of deciding on a candidate and vote. Otherwise, you get to be called an entitled self-absorbed crybaby without compunction or remorse.

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I’m Michael, and I’m the Philosophical Gaytheist. Gaytheist? Is that a gay theist, or a gay atheist? Well I like f*#ikng men and I don’t believe in God. My philosophical sophistication will intrigue you, and then make undergrads everywhere realize to never major in philosophy.

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